Grammatically correct murder

A string of murders on the University of Kansas campus have baffled police.

Quiet, unassuming, and kind-hearted, no one ever expected that Jason Allen Lee wouldn't arrive back at his dorm in January. Some on his hall dismissed it as a case of the sophomore simply out drinking, but his roommate, Jared South, was worried.

“It wasn't at all like him. He was a very sober person, I mean, he drank every now and then, but I wouldn't call him the kind of person who would party,” said South.

Lee's body was discovered dead the next morning with a large slash beginning up his chest and continuing down to his abdomen, and the enigmatic message, “THEY'RE NOT THEIR” painstakingly written in Lee's blood five feet away. Initial ideas for the possible culprit were passed on to campus security, but they turned up nothing.

Three days later, Dr. Daniel Warner didn't show up for his Advanced Grammar class. His partner hadn't seen him since the previous morning. A search was mounted and Warner's body was found behind Wescoe Hall. His body had been disemboweled with a curved slash in his lower abdomen. Another strange message was found nearby: “COMMA SPLICE THIS, ASSHOLE.” Campus security has done what it can to help increase the safety of students.

“With two murders in four days, all the students are running a bit scared. We've got them operating on a buddy system for now, and have asked them not to go anywhere they don't absolutely have to go,” said Laura Tyler, head of campus security.

The second message from the killer has proven to be the break that the police need.

“The current idea of the killer is that he or she is an obsessive grammarian. Probably in their early-to-mid twenties. Possibly chronically stressed. Lately they will have seemed a little bit more at ease. Probably fond of expressively using red ink pens,” said Police Chief Derek Baker.

Unfortunately, the tentative profile could apply to any one of the myriad of students working on degrees in English. The current focus is on those English majors that work or have worked in the campus writing center in the past year. Police have named one tentative suspect that they are looking to question as soon as possible: Greg Firth.

Firth is a junior in the English program, and suffered from a psychotic break late last semester from the stress of his workload. Of particular interest to police is the fact that Firth was in Warner's advanced grammar class at the time, and reportedly got into several arguments with the professor. A student, who wished to remain unnamed, said that Firth and Warner had an argument over reference errors the day before Firth's psychotic break and had a long standing argument over the “Oxford comma.” Firth's former roommate, Richard Veitch, also had a disturbing incident to tell us about.

“I came back to the dorm one day, and he was just writing away. But wasn't writing. I tried to get him to tell me what was bothering him, he was usually in the writing center then. He just sort of starts whispering and it builds up into a shout. Before I know it, he's yelling in my face about how Doc Warner said to fix a something that “no one without their head up their ass could make a mistake about the meaning.” He kept at it for like ten minutes. I left after that with some of the other guys. When I came back, they said campus security had taken him away. Learned later he was in a psych ward,” said Veitch.

Firth is described as 6' 3” with a coarse blond hair fauxhawk and weighing around 174 lbs. He was last seen wearing a shirt with a list of Shakespearean plays on it and “Will Power” prominently displayed.

The chancellor of the university, Sarah Williams, also expressed her condolences.

"We are all deeply saddened and troubled by the events of the past week. We've lost both a fine young man, and a wonderful professor. Both will be missed," said Williams.

Update:

Another three bodies were found, but it is not known if they are related. Unlike the previous victims, the message is actually inscribed into their flesh. The message is being poured over by experts who have yet to make any headway. The message is as follows: “ababcdcdefefgg =/= abbaabba”